A new concept in parenting is the idea of being sensitively responsive to your children. This means that you are careful to respect your child’s needs, wishes, and limits, while also setting appropriate and firm boundaries for them.
You are also considerate of the way you respond to your child. You do not respond with anger or hostility, but instead are calm and thoughtful in your responses.
Children need their parents to be both demanding and sensitive. A demand makes a child move forward or take action. A sensitive parent is one who is attentive to their child’s needs and feelings.
If a parent was only demanding, then their children would not feel very cared for. If they were only sensitive, then there would be no accountability or structure in the home. Both of these qualities are important in raising healthy children that feel secure and loved.
Examples of parents who are both demanding and not sensitively responsive
A second category of parents described by Baumrind are those who are demanding and insensitively responsive. These parents have high expectations for their children, but do not respond to their children’s attempts to meet those expectations in a positive way.
For example, a parent may want their child to get good grades, so they require them to do lots of extra homework every night. The parent may not check how well they did the homework or whether they even did it, however.
They may just take away things like TV time or video game time as a result. This type of parenting results in children who have a hard time regulating their emotions and striving towards goals because there is no sensitivity on the part of the parents.
There is also the risk of creating children who are less confident and less successful in the long run.
Know what their kids are doing at all times
This may sound like a no-brainer, but many parents don’t know what their children are doing at any given moment.
You can’t reprimand your child for something they did if you didn’t know they did it.
For example, if you tell your child not to go into the kitchen and then hear them in the kitchen a few minutes later, you have to ask yourself how you didn’t know this.
Are you distracted? Are you walking around with your phone in your hand? Are you watching TV or listening to music? Are you in the midst of doing something else that requires your attention or supervision? These are all questions that need to be answered honestly.
Child development experts advise parents to constantly keep an eye on their kids, even when they’re little. This is so that we can learn how to interact with them and play with them.
Are very critical of their children
This doesn’t mean they criticize their children for doing things wrong, but that they are very critical of their children as people.
Parents who are demanding and sensitive typically know what is expected of a child behavior-wise, but they don’t accept subpar performance.
If a child is trying their best, then the parent accepts this effort and doesn’t criticize them for it.
It’s said that parents who are demanding and sensitive typically raise self-confident kids. This might be because they know what to expect from their kids, and they expect a lot from them.
But researchers say this isn’t due to a lack of love. It’s because these parents have high expectations of their children, which helps them to develop and succeed in the long run.
Are very competitive with their children
This doesn’t mean that parents should try to create emotional distress for their children, but that they should encourage their children to try harder.
Parents should be trying their best to raise kind, self-confident children, and this takes some time and effort.
Children need to know that they are loved no matter what, but they also need to know that they have to work for it.
If a child is doing something they don’t want to do, then parents should try to get them doing something they do want to do. This way, there is some kind of reward at the end.
If a child is having trouble with something, then parents should try to help them solve the problem and get past it.
Are rarely present for their children
A new study claims that parents who are demanding and yet sensitively responsive to their children are said to be the best kind of parents.
But according to this new study, most parents fall short in these areas, making it hard for their kids to develop self-confidence and assertiveness.
The study was conducted by the University of California and was presented at the annual meeting of the Association for Child and Family Health in Canada. The researchers interviewed 1,000 mothers with children between five and twelve years old.
They asked questions about how they parented, how often they interacted with their children, how they disciplined them, etc., then classified their parenting styles as demanding, authoritarian, permissive, or nurturant (the last being the ideal type of parenting).
The researchers found that almost half (45%) of moms were authoritarian parents while 40% were permissive. Only 15% were classified as demanding and nurturant parents.
Are often unfulfilled themselves
Demanding parents can be self-fulfilling. If you demand something of someone, if you expect something from someone, it’s because you expect them to help you get what you want.
If you want your child to do well in life, then implicitly (and sometimes explicitly) you want them to help you feel successful as a parent.
You may want them to earn good grades so that you feel like a good teacher, or you may want them to be successful in their career so that you feel like a good parent who raised someone who was prepared.
Set strict rules and follow through with consequences
A key part of parenting is establishing rules for your kids and enforcing consequences when they don’t follow them.
Many parents seem to forget this part, however. They may have strict rules, but they rarely follow through with consequences when their children disobey them.
It’s hard to enforce consequences when your child is in distress or crying, but as with many parts of parenting, consistency is important.
You have to be firm and decisive even when your child is upset. If you give in just because they are crying, then what was the point of having rules and consequences?
Children need to understand that there are things that are not negotiable. If they break a rule, then there has to be a consequence for that action.Conversely, if a child follows the rules, then they deserve a reward.
Are emotionally available but not always physically present
A parent can be emotionally available but not always physically present, for example, when a parent is working late to provide for the family or when a parent is away on a business trip.
In these cases, the parent can still be sensitive and responsive to the children’s emotional needs through communication.
Children need opportunities to express their thoughts and feelings, and parents can help their children do this in several ways.
They can ask their children open-ended questions about what they are interested in, what upsets them, what they would like to do, and so on.
They can also encourage them to talk about their experiences at school or at work in terms of what they like or don’t like, what upsets them or makes them happy. They can do this by being attentive and listening actively to what they say.
